Please don’t tell me that the G string is coming back.

The biggest attraction of the devil in history is to convince women to wear G strings very comfortable.

It started, like many trends, posting Kim Kardashian’s post on Instagram. I didn’t hesitate to call it “self-portrait” because, frankly, I’m not sure if you can shoot your ass from this angle.

Still, in her lemon-yellow sports and leisure two pieces: an old-fashioned G-trousers, sticking out her tights, and then above the hips, in the style of pop stars and dilettantes in the late 1990s. A “whale tail”. The only thing missing is the tattoo of the waist Celtic.

The aesthetics of the 1990s was not accidental – the G-string itself came from Tom Ford’s 1997 Gucci collection, and there was no doubt that it had disappeared in a closet before the KKW was highlighted. In other words, it is not the modified lace we see today. This is a complete, almost text string with a Gucci badge, including the NeverEnding Story snake charm.

fine! So? So Kim is wearing a G string? This does not mean the world.

But then she kept posting.

It is normal to like it. I tried to fire it until I stumbled upon this ad in the New York magazine, “according to experts, women’s best thongs.”

Sorry, is there a G-string expert? Obviously this is the case. One of them even quoted a sentence.

“[Underwear company] Hanky ​​Panky normalizes the thong, making it an essential wardrobe for millions of women.”

So Cora Harrington of the Content Addict blog says. I respectfully say: How dare you! I don’t care if today’s G strings are lace, allegedly softer; I don’t care if they are a series of colors and textures, they are a shame.

Before you blame me, let me explain that not only the terrible 80s beach ambulance and Diet Coke ads brought me to this place – it was a fact that they were not very comfortable. They are called “golden floss” for a reason. Do you want your ass to swell permanently? Because Kim is gone now, we will see this: G-string PJs. The G string of work. Play for. G string for school delivery.

Before we know it, it will become G-string Gilead.

“Oh, once you get used to them, they are actually more comfortable than underwear.”

In the late 1990s, a good friend sent out these unforgettable words, when G-strings — or some of my male friends called G-bangers — were considered a liberated woman. Part of the closet, as an oversized bodice and denim blazer.

I just want to say that we are no longer friends. It’s not a G string that lets us split up, but to be honest? If I say that the G string has nothing to do with it, I will lie.

This is not like I have not tried – I mean to use the G string. I gave up friendship a long time ago. I fell on the “Brazil” model and pretended not to notice that my butt face was cut in half. Pretend that I am excited about the only line I can’t see now. But it was then.

These days, if you want an invisible dress, you put on the control underwear, the biggest advantage is that they attract you, instead of separating your bottom, as if it are two steamed dumplings, due to excessive moisture And join.

When the G string belongs to the return, a middle-aged man can only stay on a half-naked woman, and it is the beach that feels good about himself. But this is 2018, we now have Instagram.

This made me return to gold. Please underwear experts, please stay on our mobile phone. We are so far. We now have “boyleg” underwear. Going back will be a mistake – a huge, huge, whale-sized mistake.